i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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