if you like me you must not know who I am
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
