Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
