i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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