Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
