we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
