Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
