Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
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