Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
