Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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