i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am available for nakedness
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
