i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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