She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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