Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i love accidental penises.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
