time to smoke my breakfast
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
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Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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