Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
