I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize