i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
