Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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