you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
