Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
