i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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