I wish my penis had an off switch
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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