if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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