Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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