i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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