just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
