if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
