its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize