Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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