Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
