you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
