super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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