I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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