what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
