hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
