No stitches, just platelets and will power
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
