you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
