I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
