Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
