I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
