Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
