he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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