Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
