there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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