ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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