Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
