Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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