Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
