When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
