does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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