Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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