You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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