Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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