No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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