I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no you cant smoke seaweed
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
