Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
