first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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