4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
