CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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