You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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