Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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