Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
