Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
