apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's shark week go big or go home
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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