The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
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He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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