why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize