I molested 6 butterflies tonight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
