I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize