I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
