I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
