I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
