I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just pee around me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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